Sometimes we are the obstacle we need to cross.

Take that phrase in for a minute. “Sometimes we are the obstacle we need to cross.”

I know we’ve heard of being our own worse enemy; our own worst critic. It is, unfortunately, a common occurance. I have to say though, those phrases never really penetrated my thick skull. Sure, I’m my worst critic, but it is just so I can be my best me. yada yada.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized the sheer severity of that critic.

Have you ever wanted something and worked towards it with all your might but it just… seemed impossible to achieve?

That is me with my writing (well… with alot of things but lets focus on the writing). I worked hard, i’m learning and growing. I am imperfect and that’s ok…. but is it? Why am I fighting myself so hard? Why wont I write? draw? learn? edit?

Ollie sold around 100 copies in a year which is insane to me and I’m so grateful. My novel sold 11 in 6 months. I’m not surprised, it is not a topic for everyone it was just a story I needed to write. I have had good and bad reviews and iIve accepted both. So… what is wrong?

I am.

I am the obstacle I need to overcome.

I can work hard and try my best but it won’t be enough to reach my goals if I don’t believe my work and my time is worth it.

If I’m not worth it, why bother?

I realized recetly that I look at alot of things this way. For instance, my health. I have a rheumatology appointment on the 27th. I am hoping to get a dx that will help me get accomdations for work so I can be a useful human being.

I want to cancel. I don’t believe i’ll get the help I need so I want to give up. How can I get the help I need if I give up though? Do I not believe in my own symptoms?

I need to learn how to stop fighting myself. The world is tough enough and society will rip you apart, stop helping it and start helping yourself be all you can be.